JessicaRigby

It’s a good thing there isn’t a rule about how many best friends a person can have.  If there were, I’d be fucked.  See, the thing is, I love each of my close friends in different ways and for different reasons.  Each of them means enough to me that to name one more special than the others just doesn’t make sense.  I’m this way with lots of things, not just friends.  My Facebook profile is thrice as long as it ought to be because I have to give a whole list of favorites for every category.  My friends mean a lot to me, and the ones I consider my best friends are practically family to me.   

I’ve been trying to write this post for a very, very long time.  I’ve started several posts very much like this one, only to delete them from my dashboard before they got anywhere close to publishing.  The thing is, me and Sebastian go way back.  I have to really work my thinker to remember a time I didn’t know him.  When you know a person that long, you stop thinking about what your friendship means to you and if you aren’t careful, you start to take it for granted.  I don’t think I ever stopped knowing that Sebastian is one of the most important people in my life and he’ll always be one of my most favorite, but I do think I take our friendship for granted sometimes. 

But then there are times like tonight when things just go to shit and I end up running away, looking to someone to listen, and he’s the one who comes through for me.  My roommates and I got in a fight and I felt like if I stayed in that apartment one more minute I was going to make some very bad decisions.  Topanga wasn’t in town.  Layla had class.  I didn’t even want to bother Taylor and Dylan.  But damnit I was pissed off and unless I vented soon I was probably going to cry and call my mom.  I started calling all my friends and no one would answer.  And just when the tears started to come, Sebastian saved the day.  I got a voicemail from him saying, “Oh hey!  I missed your call but call me back!” So I did, and he let me know that I’m not the crazy one.  He assured me that I’m a perfectly delightful human being and am loads of fun, impaired or not.  I think I knew this anyway, but it’s nice to hear someone you trust so much say it anyway.  He’s always been bluntly honest with me, so even if he hadn’t been unbiased, he’d have given it to me straight anyway.  It’s nice to have a friend like that.  He’s always got my best interests at heart, even if I don’t want to hear what he has to say sometimes.  I know I can trust him, though, because he won’t just sugar-coat things to make me feel better.  The crazy thing is, he always makes me feel better anyway.

Baz Luhrman had this song out in the 90’s called “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen) in which he gives a whole bunch of life advice to the class of ‘97.  I’ve loved the song ever since and I try to listen to it every few months to remind myself of a few things.  There are two lines in the song that have hit home the most lately.  The first one is, “Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.  Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,  the more you need the people you knew when you were young.”  I think that pretty much sums up my relationship with everyone from back home, but especially Sebastian and Belle, and maybe Char.  Because I’ve known him for so long, Sebastian has seen it all.  He’s known me through just about every stage imaginable, and he’s seen me through some pretty rough (or at least colorful) times.  I’ve had lots of friends throughout the years, but Sebastian is one of the rare few that has never gone away.  In fact, when things have been shitty, he’s always the one who’s closest by my side.  Obviously it’s nice to have such an amazing and loyal friend, but what I appreciate most is more than just dependability.  The thing about Sebastian is that he knows me.  He’s been my friend for as long as I’ve been in school and if there’s one person who truly understands the way my mind works, it’s him.  He knows my story because he’s lived the whole thing with me.  It’s nice to have someone like that on your speed dial when there are days like today, when you just need a calm, honest voice to talk you through your shit and make you smile.  At the end of our conversation when I exclaimed my joy that Spring Break and thus quality time together is only one week away he told me, “By the way, I have a surprise for you.  Well, actually it’s from my mom because she saw it and was like, ‘Ohmygosh!’ but yes, I have something for you!”  I know it won’t be much, and I’m certainly not saying that the reason I love Sebastian is because of gifts. What I am saying is that it’s nice that I know someone so well that even their mommy sees things and thinks of me.  And in a way, that makes me smile and feel better because it means I have a true, bonafide, best friend in this dude.  That’s enough to cheer me up any day!

So here’s to you, kid!  Thanks for being such a BAMF!  I love you for always and eternal, as the crazy gypsy lady in “Holes” would say.  I don’t say it often anymore, but I hope you still know that I’ve always got your back no matter what happens.  I hope you never ever change because you’re such a stand up guy, but if you do, I promise I’ll love you anyway.  That’s just what best friends are for.

(BTW…The other line from the song that I like a lot lately is, “Be nice to your siblings, they’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.” But that’s another story…)

I’m doped up on “skittles” right now. Betty talked me into it. It took forever to kick in, but now, every time I look away from my computer screen…. WHOLE LEE SHIT! It reminds me of one morning a long long time ago when Taylor and I were sitting in her car and I was so high that I had to buckle my seat belt for fear I would “soar up way too high.” I feel like I weigh two pounds. It’s incredible. Everything feels so nice! I can feel my body touching things-my bed, my toes and my legs, the floor, the wall… but i just sort of…. float.

I dunno. At first I didn’t think it was working. But I just called Sebastian and told him what I was doing and let’s face it… a sober me would NOT do that! I’m not sure how I feel about this. Not at all. You’ll have to ask me in the morning. Betty says its the greatest feeling in the world but from what I’ve experienced thus far in the trip…. she needs to try more feelings!

I think it’s important for people to try things, though. I’ve been doing “drugs” for five years now… it’s about time I broaden my horizons. Just don’t give me any of that gateway drug crap. I dont believe in gateway drugs. I’m not trippin this shit because i got bored with Mary, or even because i want a better high. The way I see it, the two have absolutely nothing to do with each other, aside from the fact that they both make me kinda floaty and happy. The reality is… i’m trippin skittles because someone told me it was fun and i thought it sounded fun too, so i tried it. I’m still not gonna go shoot smack, or become a crackhead, or anything else that’s stupid. I probably won’t even do this shit again.

Well…. maybe.

They should have school right now.  I’m such a night owl that I think I’m probably my most productive after 1:30 pm.  Too bad I’ve only had maybe 4 hours of sleep and I need to get up for class at 8. This week is going to suck!

…at least Taylor and Dylan paid me back.  Mixed with some goodies from Corey and Topanga…. I had a bomb ass night!

My birthday was a good time for sure.  Belle and Sebastian both made the trip, same with Harp and some of my crew from school.  And I’ve been hanging out with Layla a lot more lately too.  She even mentioned living together next year.  So even though I’m broke as shit this month… at least things have been nothing too much to bitch about.  I have the greatest friends in the world!  I’ll give more details at a later time.

I bought a real journal a while back.  It was an attempt at trying to get back to my old habits and rhytmn.  I wrote one completely pointless 10 pager and haven’t touched it since.  I’m trying though, I promise! 

I can’t resist the call of another round of Spider Solitare any longer! 

Until next time!

-JR