JessicaRigby

This is a section from a piece I wrote my Freshman year of college after a particularly eventful weekend in which a ton of drama and judgement took place.  Enjoy!

It’s no secret that I party a little bit more hardcore than others. The things I’m into aren’t as prevelant here in this part of Kansas, either. And that’s fine and I accept it. I even try to respect it. However, what I don’t get is the way people act because of it. I’m going to steal a line from the older brother of a dear friend of mine: “Why do your values have to dictate my values?” I would say that I’m pretty cool about the whole situation. I keep to myself and I don’t impose it upon anyone. I don’t pressure anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. However, when I meet someone that is on the same page as me, I do get excited. I think you’d have to be part of that culture to understand, but when you meet folks who do the same things you do, it gives you a sort of immediate bond. This is especially true in a town like this. I’m not out of control, or even close to it. In fact, by the standards of anyone who knows what they’re talking about, I’m about as far from being out of control as it gets. But instead of just accepting that my actions and the things I do to have fun put me into a different culture and category then everyone else, people here get offended and become righteous. Because my actions are against their values, it’s assumed that what I am doing is wrong. What people forget to consider is that my values may not be the same as yours. Neither of us is wrong. We just both happen to be right. You see, the whole point of morality is that what is right for you is what’s right for you, and if it’s wrong for me then it’s wrong for me. People seem to forget this entirely too often. The point is to respect the individuality of each person, and allow them to have different choices than you. In fact, in my experience, the people that share different sets of right and wrong are the ones you can learn the most from. Life is about diversity. If we were all the same and if we all shared the same set of values, think about how boring life would be! If I have the decency to awknowledge that my actions make people uncomfortable and thus refrain from them or limit them in those people’s presence, isn’t it justified that I should expect the same decency and respect back? I believe it is. I think it is extremely childish and unfair that I should be seen as anything less because of what I choose to do. As long as I do not hurt anyone or violate anybody’s wishes for their home, I don’t see how I’m in the wrong.

Originally Posted In: BeautifulDisaster

Written: 12/09/06

This was originally posted in a different blog of mine.  I felt like it belonged here.  Enjoy! 

Strange weather in the back of the room
She’s pretty, Jesse’s spinnin’ the tunes
Eyelashes and some white leather boots
God what have i been drinking?

I could be serious, but I’m just kidding around…
I could be anything, anything but sticking around…

Love is Hell
Love is Hell
Love is Hell

It’s raining I can see it outside
Funny, I’m still in it
Just sitting here with Jonny and Raph
Oh, till the room starts spinning

I could be serious, but I’m just kidding around
I could be anything, nothing, whatever, oh well…
Love is Hell
Love is Hell

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I knew this would happen. How, I couldn’t tell you. I told myself no. I squeezed and held on tight to everything inside of me, but I failed. I’m falling. Hard, fast, and into nothing.It scares me. The more I look at you, the more I see how amazing you are. You’re as close to the whole package as I’ve ever gotten. You make me laugh and smile. It’s the kind of smile that doesn’t go away easily, either. I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone as I feel with you. We always have fun and I never feel like I’m just bidding my time til it’s over. You’re smart. I can see that easily, even if you’re always just goofing around. You listen to the same music. You write, sing, and play your own, too. You love movies even more than I do. You’re easy to talk to, and I know I could tell you anything. Your eyes hold my gaze and they’re always playfull. There’s almost never a quiet moment between us, but when there is the silence is comfortable. And even others have told me we’d be so good for each other.I look at you and I know all of this, and it scares me. I haven’t felt this way in so long. Maybe never, even. I try to brush it off and tell myself it’s nothing. I know that I don’t stand a chance in hell, and I keep reminding myself that. But it’s so hard, with those eyes. The thing is, even if you did feel the same way, I still know it couldn’t happen. I couldn’t take the risk of hurting my friends. I couldn’t risk losing your friendship, either. So I’ll just sit here and stare at you. Stoned and drunk, I know I think I need you. And when we’re sitting on your bed watching a movie, I have to fight everything within me not to lay my head on your shoulder. It’d be so easy to give in. If I just let myself, we could have so much fun. But I’m too scared. So I’ll just look at you and smile. When you laugh, I’ll laugh, too. And when you’re sitting next to me, I’ll lie to everyone, even myself, and pretend that it’s nothing.You’re my dirty little secret, and nobody but me knows a thing about it.

Originally posted in: BeautifulDisaster
Written: 12/07/06