JessicaRigby

It’s a good thing there isn’t a rule about how many best friends a person can have.  If there were, I’d be fucked.  See, the thing is, I love each of my close friends in different ways and for different reasons.  Each of them means enough to me that to name one more special than the others just doesn’t make sense.  I’m this way with lots of things, not just friends.  My Facebook profile is thrice as long as it ought to be because I have to give a whole list of favorites for every category.  My friends mean a lot to me, and the ones I consider my best friends are practically family to me.   

I’ve been trying to write this post for a very, very long time.  I’ve started several posts very much like this one, only to delete them from my dashboard before they got anywhere close to publishing.  The thing is, me and Sebastian go way back.  I have to really work my thinker to remember a time I didn’t know him.  When you know a person that long, you stop thinking about what your friendship means to you and if you aren’t careful, you start to take it for granted.  I don’t think I ever stopped knowing that Sebastian is one of the most important people in my life and he’ll always be one of my most favorite, but I do think I take our friendship for granted sometimes. 

But then there are times like tonight when things just go to shit and I end up running away, looking to someone to listen, and he’s the one who comes through for me.  My roommates and I got in a fight and I felt like if I stayed in that apartment one more minute I was going to make some very bad decisions.  Topanga wasn’t in town.  Layla had class.  I didn’t even want to bother Taylor and Dylan.  But damnit I was pissed off and unless I vented soon I was probably going to cry and call my mom.  I started calling all my friends and no one would answer.  And just when the tears started to come, Sebastian saved the day.  I got a voicemail from him saying, “Oh hey!  I missed your call but call me back!” So I did, and he let me know that I’m not the crazy one.  He assured me that I’m a perfectly delightful human being and am loads of fun, impaired or not.  I think I knew this anyway, but it’s nice to hear someone you trust so much say it anyway.  He’s always been bluntly honest with me, so even if he hadn’t been unbiased, he’d have given it to me straight anyway.  It’s nice to have a friend like that.  He’s always got my best interests at heart, even if I don’t want to hear what he has to say sometimes.  I know I can trust him, though, because he won’t just sugar-coat things to make me feel better.  The crazy thing is, he always makes me feel better anyway.

Baz Luhrman had this song out in the 90’s called “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen) in which he gives a whole bunch of life advice to the class of ‘97.  I’ve loved the song ever since and I try to listen to it every few months to remind myself of a few things.  There are two lines in the song that have hit home the most lately.  The first one is, “Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.  Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,  the more you need the people you knew when you were young.”  I think that pretty much sums up my relationship with everyone from back home, but especially Sebastian and Belle, and maybe Char.  Because I’ve known him for so long, Sebastian has seen it all.  He’s known me through just about every stage imaginable, and he’s seen me through some pretty rough (or at least colorful) times.  I’ve had lots of friends throughout the years, but Sebastian is one of the rare few that has never gone away.  In fact, when things have been shitty, he’s always the one who’s closest by my side.  Obviously it’s nice to have such an amazing and loyal friend, but what I appreciate most is more than just dependability.  The thing about Sebastian is that he knows me.  He’s been my friend for as long as I’ve been in school and if there’s one person who truly understands the way my mind works, it’s him.  He knows my story because he’s lived the whole thing with me.  It’s nice to have someone like that on your speed dial when there are days like today, when you just need a calm, honest voice to talk you through your shit and make you smile.  At the end of our conversation when I exclaimed my joy that Spring Break and thus quality time together is only one week away he told me, “By the way, I have a surprise for you.  Well, actually it’s from my mom because she saw it and was like, ‘Ohmygosh!’ but yes, I have something for you!”  I know it won’t be much, and I’m certainly not saying that the reason I love Sebastian is because of gifts. What I am saying is that it’s nice that I know someone so well that even their mommy sees things and thinks of me.  And in a way, that makes me smile and feel better because it means I have a true, bonafide, best friend in this dude.  That’s enough to cheer me up any day!

So here’s to you, kid!  Thanks for being such a BAMF!  I love you for always and eternal, as the crazy gypsy lady in “Holes” would say.  I don’t say it often anymore, but I hope you still know that I’ve always got your back no matter what happens.  I hope you never ever change because you’re such a stand up guy, but if you do, I promise I’ll love you anyway.  That’s just what best friends are for.

(BTW…The other line from the song that I like a lot lately is, “Be nice to your siblings, they’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.” But that’s another story…)

It’s one of those nice quiet nights in and I’m all nice and cozy on my couch after watching Beowoulf with Topanga.  It was a good movie but I think possibly just because of the other movies we watched beforehand.  I have a feeling tonight’s going to be a night full of writing but we shall see.  The night is still young, who knows what might happen! 

I keep a notebook with my in my bag pretty much all the time.  I’m not sure if it’s a habit I picked up from my mother, a product of my overactive ADHD mind, or the journalist inside of me.  But having it around means that I’m able to jot things down to blog about and look over my notes later.  Here are a few random ones as of late::

• “Sometimes I wish I was a giant.  So that  I could see the circumference of the world!”- Topanga out at The Park In the Sky
• Q:Why didn’t the Skeleton cross the Road?
  A: Because he didn’t have the guts!
• Taylor: (gasping in awe) “The last muffin!”
• Try to remember which Dylan song Joan Boaz did a cover of that I liked.  It was badass and I want to hear it again!
• Add “Beautiful Disaster,” “Put Your Lights On,” and “Rescue Blues” to the My Soundtrack project.
• Books I still need to read: Blade Runner, Trainspotting, American Psycho, and Minority Report.  Also, possibly The Spiderwick Chronicles?
• Movies to add to my Netflix que: “Falling Down,” “House On Haunted Hill,” “Margot At the Wedding,” “Beloved”… Also “The Point” with Ringo Star and “Equalibrium.”
• “Do you ever think about how lazy people in other countries must think we Americans are?  We go outside just to run.  Like what?  We’re all sitting at home playing our video games and we stand up and say “Oh man!  I need to excercise my legs because I’ve been sitting on my ass all day long!  Man… I bet some dude in Zimbabwe is all, ‘Bitch please! I have to run from lions daily!”- My friends crack my shit up!

By the way… I’d like to clear up something I realized after reading my last entry.  It’s not about “addiction” in the terms of drugs, booze, sex, and rock n roll.  It’s not about those things at all.  In retrospect I realize that some may view it that way, but I’m not going to change something honest for fear of how someone else might interpret it.  I’m writing this blog in the way that I am because if I’m going to try to write again, it needs to be honest and true.  I can’t censor myself or hold anything back.  This is my release, and I’d be cheating myself by keeping my mouth shut.  I give myself and my friends psuedonames and most of my entries are posted at least a few weeks after they were originally written so that dates and times mean nothing.  I also keep a private blog where I experiment with pieces and hide the ones I’m not brave enough to publish here.  That’s why sometimes things I write come and go, or show up out of order or retroactively.  In a way, being Jessica Rigby is a chance for me to be someone else.  Someone honest and real, who doesn’t hide from anything but protects herself and her loved ones all the same.  I’m not asking for anything but a chance to express myself and let out all these crazy thoughts swirling around in my mind.  If you want to read it, go ahead.  Just don’t expect me to explain, or apologize for, or edit anything.

Topanga and I are sitting in my “smoking palace” hitting some dank shit out of a dry bong.  She takes a massive rip and proceeds to cough her lungs out and of course it reaks like shit.  So I run out and Fabreeze the hell out of everything and when I come back into the “palace” she’s sitting in my chair all toked out and peaceful looking.  I asked her if she was good or what and she said:

JR-”Dude are you good?”
T- “Yeah… I’m just really into this “movie” (indicates to bong) man.”
JR- “Well… I’m glad you appreciate cinema as much as I do!”

Hahaha then when I went to blog this she told me she was baked out and said, “I’m so into this movie.  I’m so into it I’m staring in it!” I love my funny friends! 

They should have school right now.  I’m such a night owl that I think I’m probably my most productive after 1:30 pm.  Too bad I’ve only had maybe 4 hours of sleep and I need to get up for class at 8. This week is going to suck!

…at least Taylor and Dylan paid me back.  Mixed with some goodies from Corey and Topanga…. I had a bomb ass night!

My birthday was a good time for sure.  Belle and Sebastian both made the trip, same with Harp and some of my crew from school.  And I’ve been hanging out with Layla a lot more lately too.  She even mentioned living together next year.  So even though I’m broke as shit this month… at least things have been nothing too much to bitch about.  I have the greatest friends in the world!  I’ll give more details at a later time.

I bought a real journal a while back.  It was an attempt at trying to get back to my old habits and rhytmn.  I wrote one completely pointless 10 pager and haven’t touched it since.  I’m trying though, I promise! 

I can’t resist the call of another round of Spider Solitare any longer! 

Until next time!

-JR