JessicaRigby

This was originally posted in a different blog of mine.  I felt like it belonged here.  Enjoy! 

Strange weather in the back of the room
She’s pretty, Jesse’s spinnin’ the tunes
Eyelashes and some white leather boots
God what have i been drinking?

I could be serious, but I’m just kidding around…
I could be anything, anything but sticking around…

Love is Hell
Love is Hell
Love is Hell

It’s raining I can see it outside
Funny, I’m still in it
Just sitting here with Jonny and Raph
Oh, till the room starts spinning

I could be serious, but I’m just kidding around
I could be anything, nothing, whatever, oh well…
Love is Hell
Love is Hell

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I knew this would happen. How, I couldn’t tell you. I told myself no. I squeezed and held on tight to everything inside of me, but I failed. I’m falling. Hard, fast, and into nothing.It scares me. The more I look at you, the more I see how amazing you are. You’re as close to the whole package as I’ve ever gotten. You make me laugh and smile. It’s the kind of smile that doesn’t go away easily, either. I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone as I feel with you. We always have fun and I never feel like I’m just bidding my time til it’s over. You’re smart. I can see that easily, even if you’re always just goofing around. You listen to the same music. You write, sing, and play your own, too. You love movies even more than I do. You’re easy to talk to, and I know I could tell you anything. Your eyes hold my gaze and they’re always playfull. There’s almost never a quiet moment between us, but when there is the silence is comfortable. And even others have told me we’d be so good for each other.I look at you and I know all of this, and it scares me. I haven’t felt this way in so long. Maybe never, even. I try to brush it off and tell myself it’s nothing. I know that I don’t stand a chance in hell, and I keep reminding myself that. But it’s so hard, with those eyes. The thing is, even if you did feel the same way, I still know it couldn’t happen. I couldn’t take the risk of hurting my friends. I couldn’t risk losing your friendship, either. So I’ll just sit here and stare at you. Stoned and drunk, I know I think I need you. And when we’re sitting on your bed watching a movie, I have to fight everything within me not to lay my head on your shoulder. It’d be so easy to give in. If I just let myself, we could have so much fun. But I’m too scared. So I’ll just look at you and smile. When you laugh, I’ll laugh, too. And when you’re sitting next to me, I’ll lie to everyone, even myself, and pretend that it’s nothing.You’re my dirty little secret, and nobody but me knows a thing about it.

Originally posted in: BeautifulDisaster
Written: 12/07/06